


Nurse & Soldier: Her Last Goodbye

by CrimsonFirebreeze



Series: Nurse and Soldier [12]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, First Love, Heartache, Loss, One Shot, Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 13:00:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3769423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonFirebreeze/pseuds/CrimsonFirebreeze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Bucky are both gone and Andy doesn't know how to process this loss. So Howard suggests that she write one final letter to her sweetheart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nurse & Soldier: Her Last Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> So I originally wrote this as part of a fic that my buddy on tumblr, lokislysander, is writing since she has asked me if Andy can be a canonical part of her story. How flattering! 
> 
> But I have decided this is relevant to my own story. 
> 
> Also, Londonparisnz had asked about the aftermath of the train and I totally forgot I had this until I was cleaning out and labeling my Google Keep archive. 
> 
> I cried so hard writing this.

**June 14, 1945**  
  
_Dearest James,_  
  
_Writing to you now seems silly. You're gone and you'll never read this. Howard says I should anyways, for therapeutic reasons. He means well, but I still feel rather silly. What do I even say? There was so much left unsaid between us when you left that morning..._  
  
_Steve is gone too. I've lost you both. I dont know what to do with myself. I sorted through his things, gave Peggy a few of his belongings that I knew she would like. I almost kept his sketchbook until I saw that he had been drawing her. She was thrilled to have it. Heartbroken, but thrilled. I kept the pictures he had of us, of you. There wasn't much to go through._  
  
_Sorting through your belongings was harder. I divided up what there was between myself and your sister. I sent home your dress uniform and the family pictures to her. She needs them. She's lost everyone. It's the least I can do from here. Back home I can help her more. I promise I will look after Rebecca for you, to the best of my ability._  
  
_I kept your extra jacket. It smelled like you. But a month of keeping it close, the scent has faded. I also kept the small box I found hidden in your things. I don't know what I'll do with the ring inside. Put it away somewhere safe, I imagine. I can't bear to look at it right now though. The ring is beautiful and I would have worn it proudly, but it hurts too much. We were so close to having everything we dreamed of! Hydra took that from us. Hydra took you from me._  
  
_All I have left are memories and dozens of what ifs. What if you hadn't been drafted? What if you hadn't been captured at Azzano? What if you came back from Poland? What if you had proposed that morning? What if we were both going home? What if I had been with child? What if...? Too many what ifs._  
  
_Part of me thinks you tried to get me in a family way. You never wanted me in the war and especially not on the front lines. I'm glad you never succeeded. Though having a small part of you to love in the wake of this tragedy would be a blessing, I don't know that I could have taken on parenthood without you by my side. All this sadness would not have been good for a baby anyways._  
  
_I don't know what to do without you, Bucky. I'm lost. I know that you wouldn't want me to let my life end just because yours did. But you were my life and I can't imagine it without you. I don't think this is a wound time can heal. I loved you with the entirety of my being. You had me, heart and soul. I imagine the feeling was mutual, not because you intended to make me your wife, but because of everything else. The way you looked at me, touched me, said my name. There was never a doubt in my mind about your love for me. I know you loved me to your last breath. Just as I will love you until mine._  
  
_I wish you were here. I miss you so much. It's been three months and I'm still crying myself to sleep every night. Where do I go from here? I don't want to live this life without you! But what choice do I have but to carry on? I just wish I could have told you how much you meant to me, how much I love you. I never could find the right words and now it's too late. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for all our lost opportunities. But I'm not sorry for all the things we did do. I will keep those memories closest to my heart. Most of all, I'm not sorry for loving you, no matter how much pain doing so has brought me with your passing._  
  
_I love you. I can't say it enough, even though you aren't here to hear it anymore. I love you. And I will never stop loving you, my soldier, my Hero. Never._  
  
_Yours Always and Forevermore,_  
_Andy_


End file.
